Pro-Life, also Pro-Choice

[teresafloyd]

A moment of honesty:
I wish no one ever needed an abortion past the blastocyst stage (approximately 5 days after fertilization).
I prefer any method of contraception up to and including the 'morning-after pill' to abortion.
When all of these have failed or been unavailable and a woman is pregnant, I wish that she could feel supported and safe enough to have that surprise child and raise him or her to be an amazing adult, or hand him over to someone else who can.
Ultimately though, she (and perhaps her partner may be permitted an opinion) must make that decision. If she cannot have that child, she should not be forced to remain pregnant.
I favour life, but I support choice.

(I posted this on Facebook first.)

Comments

[herlander_refugee]

Thank you. I think the thing a lot of the "screamers" don't "get" is that pro-choice sometimes IS pro-life. Pro-a-life-not-of-misery and suffering passed on like a chain of pain.

And I don't think any child should be born to starve. If one's existing children, for instance, are on the bare edge of survival...having another one endangers them all even more. Worse, if the mother herself succumbs and orphans them all.

Nothing is so black and white as screamers on both sides of this issue would like to make it out to be.

[teresafloyd]

I really feel Henry Morgentaler's motto of "Every mother a willing mother. Every child a wanted child."

Really, all it takes to prevent abortion is reliable cheap birth control and social support for single mothers. Then the only reason for abortion would be the few times when something goes horribly wrong.

I can't understand why this is such a difficult concept for 'screamers.'

I'd also love to see a world where people only have sex where they would risk a pregnancy, but I'll settle for this one for now and just wish for more consistent use of birth control.

[herlander_refugee]

Don't forget education. Large segments of the human population are abysmally ignorant about human biology.

Frankly, I do NOT want to live in a world where sex can only occur WITH the risk of pregnancy. I actually think we need to cut back on the birthrate; so anytime someone has their chosen number of kids....to think sex must end there? Not humane or realistic in my opinion.

[teresafloyd]

"Frankly, I do NOT want to live in a world where sex can only occur WITH the risk of pregnancy."

Oh that's not what I mean! Certainly not. I was unclear.

I was lucky enough as a young person to only ever have a partner who had the potential to be a great father. We used birth control but if it had failed I knew that I would have had options. This is what I would wish for today's teens and young adults.

We ended up waiting 8 years and having children deliberately.

[herlander_refugee]

Oh, well, yes in that sense.....yes. I never had a sexual affair with anyone that I would consider unsuitable breeding stock!

Now, see, when I say it like tht it sounds reallllly wrong!

[teresafloyd]

No it doesn't sound wrong at all!

I don't think there's any business much more serious than creating people. It makes sense to do your best to be deliberate and thoughtful about it.

But no birth control is guaranteed 100% effective - especially with young bodies. So it makes sense to assess the quality of the specimen that is being considered as a potential candidate.

I even took myself out of the pool for many years until *I* was suitable breeding stock.

[herlander_refugee]

LOL....some days, I still wonder if I WAS suitable!

[wednes]

That all seems very reasonable to me. One of the things that clouds the abortion debate in my opinion is the idea that it's Pro-abortion versus anti-abortion. I've never heard of anyone honestly being pro-abortion, thinking they're great, hoping women will have as many as possible. Even when women were training each other how to perform them safely, it wasn't so abortion could be more plentiful--it was simply so less women would not die getting unsafe procedures from quacks.

Pro-choice versus anti-choice makes more sense. While I would also love to live in a world where abortions were unnecessary (like a world where women aren't taught that sex is used to acquire love and relationships, and what a healthy relationship actually looks like), I have to come down on the side that says it's between a woman and her doctor (and anyone else the woman chooses to invite). I'd like to see fathers/parents of pregnant teens have more of a say, but I wouldn't legally mandate that because far too many people are violent, controlling assholes.

[teresafloyd]

It troubles me a little that fathers of embryos, and parents of young mothers don't get to provide any input, but as you say, some are violent and controlling. Possibly their violence or asshole ways may even be a contributing factor!

I guess the way I see it is that they should have possibly a bit more input as my husband has in my hairstyle choices. He gets to offer an opinion and I get to choose how much weight it has.

The decision of what a woman does with her body, whether hair, nails, or contents of her uterus should always be hers.

[wednes]

When I was 16, my mother told me (in front of my date) that if I ever got pregnant, she'd "make" me keep the baby and raise it right in front of me so I'd "learn my lesson." I was so horrified it put me off of dating, relationships, and sex for years. I'm still childless and haven't talked to my mom since 1995.

So I guess I have plenty of my own issues to be going on with. But my belief is that if a woman has a solid support structure, she'll invite people to help her through her decision, procedure, and after care. If she doesn't have that support, someone should offer it to her before they offer judgement, blaming, or restrictions on care.

That said, I do think it's a bum deal that men often have less choice in whether or not their child is aborted, or if they'll be responsible for child support for the next 2 decades. When it comes to birth control, education and access are vital, not optional.

[teresafloyd]

Luckily I had a very good sex education program that even included how to get condoms in our small town, and how to use them.

I made the decision when I was very young (about 11) that I was too crazy to have children without harming them psychologically.

So I did not have sex until I met a man who balanced the crazy and who could be sane where I was not. Also a man who missed parenting his ex's children more than he missed her.

When I was about 20, my mother told me that if I ever got pregnant and was unmarried I should just get on the first plane out of the province because she would never want to see me again.

By then I had just become sexually active (on the pill) and was with the third guy I ever dated (second my mother knew about) my current spouse. I very seriously considered taking her up on her offer.

As it was, I limited contact for the rest of her life, especially after I had children. I kept what little contact I had partly so that I could have the joy of removing her from life support when she finally smoked herself to death. It was a rare delight to watch her brain-dead body shudder to halt.

All things considered, for the product of her failed second attempt at self-induced abortion to parent of my own near adult and reasonably sane sons, I think I'm doing okay.

Without education? Oh the damage I could have done!

[wednes]

Wow man, that's heavy.

I would have a whole lot to say about that, but I'm at work and it would totally affect my CS skills.

[teresafloyd]

I bet it doesn't surprise you if I say I can relate to your character Sadie.

[wednes]

Hahahahaaha, not surprised at all...

Every once in a while, someone will ask me if Sadie is supposed to be me. I usually act completely shocked and say "What the hell are you talking about? Sadie is FAT!"

Hahahahahaaa!

[spaceoperadiva]

http://www.thenation.com/article/when-teen-pregnancy-no-accident

[teresafloyd]

Absolutely! Pregnancy is sometimes imposed upon women as a means of control. Sometimes a girl's parent will even sabotage birth control in hopes of getting her to 'settle down' and give up her wild ways.

We may never even know how prevalent this is because the women may not even know that a condom was missing or compromised or that she was deliberately misinformed about how to use a method of birth control.

Those who abuse a young woman this way have already given all the input they ever deserve to have into whether or not that pregnancy continues.

[spaceoperadiva]

Outside of the abusers, I'm a little conflicted about the man who wants to have a baby versus the woman who doesn't wish to remain pregnant. Yes, he donated half the genetic material, but she's putting in 10 months of intense use of her body and having some significant recovery time, even if she walks away the day of birth and gives the kid up for adoption.

In my perfect world, mothers and children who didn't have support from the sperm donor would have real, compassionate, non-judgmental social services to depend upon. All women would have ample paid maternity leave, in-house daycare with breastfeeding privileges. There would be universal health care, all kids would be fed two high quality meals at school.

But we don't have that, and I don't want to make women feel like their only choices are adoption or abortion, so I guess we have to let them pursue the sperm donors for financial support, at least. I seem to be a socialist who should move to Norway or something. :/

I used to be horrified by the whole idea of abortion. Now I think women should be able to get an abortion at any time for any reason. It's the Right to Lifers who are responsible for turning my opinion 180 degrees. Without their relentless yammering, I never would have thought it out past my knee jerk response or got educated on various subtle issues in abortion. I still wish we lived in a world where abortion was never necessary except in the case of medical issues, but it's not my job to be other women's consciences and dictate the terms of their lives.

[teresafloyd]

I have to say that I am sympathetic to decent men who would welcome the surprise child. But not nearly enough to condone forcing an unwilling person to give up a year of bodily integrity, let alone another two dozen years to raise the child.

I say if a man is willing to raise a child, and can persuade her to give birth to it, I wish him well.

And I still say the best way to prevent abortion is sex education, birth control, and condoms.